Of Coffee With Me

If you were having coffee……..

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If you were having coffee with me, I hope you would call me, before you come, to ask me, if I am home, so that I have enough time to tidy up and pretend I woke up like this. Do not be fooled my locks might look care-free, but each strand is strategically positioned.

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Do Not call me to say, you are on your way, when you haven’t left your house or even taken a bath yet.

Most importantly, Do Not call me when you are already at my gate, to ask me, if I am home, because you wanted to come over for coffee because it would be awkward if I do not want you coming over.

You:Hi B

Me: “Hi you

You:Are you home?

Me: “Yes, why?”

You: “I am at your gate___

Me:….. Constipated face emoji *awkward*

 

If you were having coffee with me, we would have coffee and chill and that is not code for anything, it would be just conversations over a cup of coffee or tea. I am all out of juice, so would have to run to the shops, to get you some, if that’s what you prefer. I would say it’s really no bother at all (but under my breath I would say but I thought this was a coffee date.)

If you are having coffee with me, I’d ask you, if there is standard acceptable Tea to Bread Ratio? You would look at me, like you are doing now, and I would explain; what I mean, is a ratio of let’s say 1 cup of tea to 4 slices of bread…. Is there such a ratio in proper tea drinking etiquette? It should be a fascinating research to do, yes?

You are feeling nice and welcome are you not, “Great” I would say.

If you were having coffee with me, I would ask you “How would you feel if a bunch of people, who said they were your friends, were to invite themselves into your house and proceed to just sit and look at you, never saying a word just sitting there and looking at you, then they leave, they don’t even say goodbye, they just get up and go, how would you feel?

That would be really really creepy, would it not? Yes?

That is how it sorta how it feels like when you click on to my blog, read my posts and then you just leave….. its just …. Creepy. Do not get me wrong, I love the lil visits you pay me and I appreciate that you keep coming back. All I am saying is do not be a strange about it, if you drop by and love what you read, do leave me a message that you have been here and you loved the visit. I tend to check up more on blogs that interact with mine and respond when I comment on theirs, than those who don’t and if one day you wake and you wondering how come I don’t visit yours as much much as I used to……….

Yes, I blog for mainly selfish reasons but having an audience does give me, a nice warm fuzzy feeling, reading what you think about my posts, I get to know more about you, and more about me too, because there is a piece of yourself in every person you meet. Your muse might just be the next person to comment.

So if you having anything to say please feel free to holla, I don’t bite, unless you are a sandwich in my plate, then, oh yeah I will eat you up. Speaking of sandwiches, it is a good thing we no longer have to hunt for food because if we did, I would probably starve, I do not know where sandwiches graze. I try to keep my hunting skills honed by stabbing the frozen chicken in the fridge with a knife before sticking it into the microwave to bleeddefrost.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you how, just the other day I ran into an old friend I haven’t seen in a while, told me they were a big fan of my blog and I was quite pleased but I low-key wanted to say how come I never see you commenting ok, how bout just clicking the like button, so I know you definitely been there.

If you having coffee with me, I would carelessly leave my diary on the table, open to a heart marked date.IMAG0001 Curiosity would have you asking me if anything special was going on, I would laugh and say “Oh, it’s nothing really, that’s just my birthday” as I scoop up my diary and put it away.

 

 

If you were having coffee with me I would thank you for coming and say please do drop by again, and don’t be a stranger and if you not being strange then don’t stop doing what you doing, I really do love your little visits, don’t be creepy now

Cheers and happy weekend.

~B

 

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68 thoughts on “Of Coffee With Me

  1. I feel very coerced into commenting..
    Call it undue influence if you will
    But nothing that cup of coffee you owe me can’t fix..
    By the way my cup is the one with the map of Africa,

    Anyway dreadlocked guy who visits creepy caves and has conversations with coffee, this is good stuff
    You must be awesome at writing fiction…

    Liked by 3 people

    • hahahaha well, might be a lil guilty of coercion 🙂 but just a lil bit

      you can hve the cup with map of Africa, because my favourite cup is the one with the coffee cup labelled orange…

      I dont visit creepy caves everyday ha!

      thanks a span
      ~B
      P.S. I am awesome at storytelling hahaha now learning to stop telling stories and to start writing them 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I would never dare come over, uninvited and unannounced. Please give me another chance…all I can say in my defense is all these wonderful writers makes me so distracted. Though your dreads are indeed quite wonderful. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This whole post had me laughing. Your beautiful hair… It doesn’t always look like that?! And, geez, people! Call! Don’t just show up! Beyond awkward.

    Well… The comments. Thing is, some people are reading in between meetings or nap times or can’t comment on their phones or… I agree but, sometimes, it’s not possible. (For instance, I read this last night and am just commenting now. Good thing I remembered to come back when I had time to comment.) Just know, if I don’t comment, I still enjoyed your words. 💙 (No? Still creepy?)

    P.S. I think it’s 2 slices for each cup of tea. ☕️

    Liked by 1 person

    • hahaha I woke up like this; I have this special pillow you see……
      Beyond awkward!!! Unless they are really really good company, then it’s a pleasant surprise (once you get over the shock of an unannounced visitor)

      I know people can’t comment all the time, and between the stolen moments you check your blog, yeah LIFE happens…. but some consistently never comment, ever…. maybe they are shy or just voyeurs. ha!
      Good thing you remembered to come back ha! But even if you hadn’t, you fix my lil typos in your comments so I know it’s real ♥♥♥ I would do the same for you 🙂
      Not creepy ☻
      ~B
      P.S. how many cups of tea do you drink, in one sitting? lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • You fixed my typo! ❤️ *swoon*

        And I don’t think I ever get over the shock of an unannounced visitor. Well…when they leave, I do. (Usually 2 cups. Is that weird? It’s herbal so I can really down those things!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • you noticed lol 🙂
        hahaha…. when they leave? (my clothes are dirty from rolling on the floor; laughing)

        I love herbal tea too ( I watch my caffeine you see) but no good story ever started with the words if you having herbal tea with me……

        *does quick math* so…thats 4 erm four slices of bread???

        Liked by 1 person

      • If you having herbal tea with me, I would know you were the one who killed him.

        It was chaos and then it wasn’t. That’s when I noticed the dirt wedged between the baseboard and the carpet. I collected some and took it to my grandfather’s lab where he scolded me, told me to let the police do the work, then gave me a vial of poison.

        He took the baggie, smeared a bit of debris on a slide, then put it under the microscope. A long while passed before he looked up, not at me, and said, “It’s not dirt. It’s chamomile tea.”

        After the sirens and lights were gone, after the screaming and sobbing were through, I swore I would find you. And here you are. Sitting in a coffee shop with me. Ordering a cup of chamomile tea—the only kind you drink.

        Liked by 1 person

      • ….. If I was having herbal tea with you that faint hint of almond flavour would have me pretty worried……
        I frown as I struggle to recall something, I read in some Agatha Christie story:
        A is for Arsenic
        B is for Belladonna
        C is for Cyanide
        ElLEEMERNOHPEE
        and the last coherent thought I have is I stand corrected…. A good story could start with a nice cup of herbal tea, and it could as easily end with one too; revenge is a dish best served hot, but sometimes it could be something as easy as a hot cup of chamomile herbal…………

        Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Rachael☺
      hahaha I dont scare easily but when I do scare everyone around me…..
      You are totally welcome to drop by anytime you want (provided you send a written affidavit in triplicate before the fact)

      Like

  4. haha… liked the way you compared those guys visiting your blog and never commenting ~ alike the people who drop in your home, have coffee and leave without saying good bye…haha.. I really enjoyed it. And if i ever happen to come in for coffee, i would certainly consider all your terms… 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m always surpised by people who visit but don’t comment or like or expect you to visit them, but don’t return the favor (that goes for RTs, etc., on Twitter, too). We’re all in this together. Share!

    Oh, hi! And by the way, I don’t know where the sandwiches graze either. They just magically appear and I’m never hungry. Maybe there’s a sandwich fairy? ~Tara

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. Thanks B for this post.
    It does speak to me.
    If you were having coffee with me, I will explain how I see myself into you. How everything no matter how hard we try to deny, it revolves around fate and destiny.
    ❤❤❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Do Not call me to say, you are on your way, when you haven’t left your house or even taken a bath yet.” This is soooo annoying, why do people do it?

    I like the analogy of people coming over, staring, not saying a word, and leaving without saying goodbye. If we like what we read, it’s nice to say so. Although sometimes we lack the words …

    Good one 😉

    Like

  9. *The kind of coffee that strips you of your defences and leaves you staring like a guilty cow on a ledge. Beaton, before midnight, i would say this coffee backmailed me but now that it is past midnight (in my country), i will say.. I would have pleasure having coffee with you– one that will hit my nostrils the very moment i creep up on you at your gate and yes, my comment in June states i have a tea to bread ratio..!!

    Otherwise, Great read here.

    Liked by 1 person

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