Of The Guide To Fixing Things

 

I am a fixer.

I am a fixer not exactly in the way Shonda Rhimes’s creation Olivia Pope from the series Scandal is The Fixer.

ABC's "Revenge" - Season Three

Gladiator in a hat

I fix things, broken things *read as appliances, broken people are something else all together* When something stops working, before I call a specially trained technician, I try to see if I cannot fix it all by myself.

The way I figure it out is that you can’t really kill something that is already dead…….. and when I see the warning tag on appliances that says:

noparts

Challenge accepted

I take that as a personal challenge… BRING IT ON! Never dare me to a challenge, I accept.

But I am not reckless in my pursuit for fixing things; I adhere to a strict code of D.I.Y rules:

RULE 1 – If it ain’t broken Do Not fix it; this is very important, this is how you kill things, going on and messing around with a perfectly good working thing. (with people so as with appliances)

RULE 2 – A non-working appliance cannot  get any “deader”… I mean it was dead before I killed it, right?

RULE 3 – Before you get carried away with screwdrivers and such, try switching it OFF (praying a little) and then switching it ON again, it just might start working, like magic or a miracle. Imagine how you would feel when that’s all the repairman does and then bills you, or even worse they pretend to have done extensive work .

android-power-button-not-working-cover2x

off & On

RULE 4 – when the above fails now you can be screwdriver happy and disassemble. You open it up, check for broken or unsecured connections even burnt bits, or anything weird, like if something that should be moving isn’t moving oil it, if something that should not be moving is moving super glue it, dirty terminals clean them.

RULE 5 -put everything back together, as much as possible the way it was before, do not be too worried about leftover screws; those guys use way too much anyway. Now, cross your fingers and try switching it on, mind that nothing explodes and be ready to switch it off if it acts up…. If it works congratulations we don’t really know what you did but it worked you are a fixer (thats how they do it too do not be fooled)… if it doesn’t work now you can call in the professionals and when they do fix it peer over their shoulders see everything they do see where you went wrong, or what you missed so that if this happens again you can now do it by yourself #LifeHack

RULE 6  Do try not to get yourself electrocuted, it’s quite shocking really.

And next I have a few open letters I want to share with the manufacturers of appliances:

Dear People

who manufacture appliances with impossibly weird-shaped screws how am I supposed to unscrew and fix them?

~P.S. I don’t like you

 

Seriously  what’s up with that

Dear people

Who make appliances held together with nothing but cleverly concealed clips which you can’t open without breaking I don’t like you either

and lastly

Dear Manufacturers why do you not include actually useful information in the instructions manual of appliances, like I don’t know a detailed schematic diagram showing screws, circuitry and everything? 

~B

Disclaimer: I am not a trained technician, and should you follow anything you read here and blow things up please do not cite my blog as your source and I think you might void your warranty if you attempt this at home or at work, try it at your neighbour’s house instead. You are welcome

PS  The thingie inside a microwave oven called a magnetron is horribly complicated….

PPS meanwhile in other news I need a new microwave oven……….

Photocredit Olivia Pope: Huffington Post

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30 thoughts on “Of The Guide To Fixing Things

  1. I am a fixer too, and I so feel you on the impossibly weird-shaped screws. I was just contending with some of those this morning as I tried to fix the plug of my phone charger. Thank God it was the same shape as the key to my front door padlock! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • hahahaha pleased to know that you a fixer too *hands you a gladiator hat*
      Did you manage to fix the charger ? Colour me curious but what were you doing, with the keys to figure out they same shape as screws, ooooh you are hardcore * tips hat in salute*
      ~B

      Like

      • Thanks for the gladiator hat. *bows* I simply fumbled with locking the padlock last night and made a mental note of its odd shape and size. When I saw the same odd shape in the same size this morning, I knew it was a match

        Nope, haven’t yet fixed the charger…but I SHALL! *it all begins with determination* I can’t go on buying new chargers every couple of months.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Some of these chargers I figure they make them with some built-in timer that they only work for like 1054 hrs and then stop for no reason…… The criminals!!!
        But YOU CAN FIX THIS *Olivia Pope voice*

        its all about determination☺

        ~B

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol, I love the underlying humour in this piece (especially towards the end). He’s a fixer upper! 😀 I enjoyed it.
    PS: I’m raising funds for the new microwave. We can’t keep eating cold food 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • hahahahaha I am handy to have around ☺☻
      ~B

      PS you never notice how much you relay on the microwave till some bright sparks tries
      to find the all spark from the magnetron (too much watching transformers)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahhaha!! My dad is a fixer too. I usually actually end up fixing it if he fails 😂 its super fun actually. We have this one rule. If it breaks you buy a new one.
    My mum hates it ^^

    This was a super fun read after my physics exams! Thanks a ton for writing it 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    • hahahahahaha Thanks for sharing,
      and may I present: a Gladiator hat to you (and your dad)
      Glad you enjoyed reading this ♥ I love me some physics too but if it wasnt for the laws of physics, and the law in general I would be unstoppable, like a force in constant motion awooooah!
      ~B
      PS Give me large enough battery and I will charge the world.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for the hat 😂

        You sir i am quite sure you defy the laws of physics without a second thought 😂

        PS we studied about the magnetron today 😉 not something to mess with i’d say

        Liked by 1 person

      • You are welcome ^_^
        Hahahaha oh but I want to build resonance particle generator……not sure what one would do with it but it should be amplified yes?
        ~B
        pS Tune into your natural frequency

        Like

  4. I’m absolutely sure they is a fixer in everyone. One of my DIY gone wrong was when I tried to fix an electric water heater. I connected what seemed loose but when I tried to switch it on there was a bright light, loud sound and the mains breaker tripped. I thought I was going to die but I didn’t. Needless to say that heater stayed dead and I threw it away (“,)

    Other DIYs have gone great, I’m now much better at connecting loose cables always make sure you connect the right cable to the correct terminal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • hahahahahaha and a gladiator hat for you…… ^_^
      I can imagine a nice bright blue blinding spark of raw electricity.. If have seen this, I have done this, you dont want this, (and in my case i tripped all the breakers on the circuit board and including the mains mains one outside the house!)
      Keep fixing
      ~B

      Like

  5. LMAO! Thanks for this Mr Fix. I am more than sure this post has saved somebody’s life somewhere in the world. Failing that, it has saved them some time otherwise spent in vain via ill fated approaches to fixing. #ifitaintbrokedontfixit AMEN. real life pearls.

    P.S. I will send on down all my broken appliances. Thanking you muchly in advance for your efforts. 😉

    Chow neighbour

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Of Coffee With Angels | Becoming The Muse

  7. Hi Mr. B,

    How’ve you been?

    I laughed so hard, you’ve got great sense of humour,

    Lol @ “it cannot get any “deader”, I agree. Point 3 is my go-to. I usually do the switch on and off routine while whispering a silent prayer that hopefully appeases the electronic gods and goddesses.

    Lol @ Do try not to get yourself electrocuted, it’s quite shocking really. 😀

    I remember the time I dipped a metal fork into a socket when I was younger, the shocks shocked me, I wasn’t expecting it.

    You just reminded me that I have a microwave oven at home, I haven’t been near that thing in a while.

    PS: Don’t you just love how Olivia Pope handles it !

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks and much appreciated
      I am good thanks and how have you been ^_^
      you cant kill whats already dead hahahaha…. ah yes the electronic Gods and Goddesses are soooo fickle…
      But why oh why did you deep a metal fork into the socket how young were you lol I can imagine, definitely shocking…..
      ~B
      PS Olivia Pope handles thing, but Rowan Pope?? You cant take Command, and I am Command, He slays

      Liked by 1 person

      • Of curiosity and dead cats hey …..
        I always replay Rowan’s monologues, many many times, he sounds almost poetic when he rants and raves, and he has this particular cadence in his speech patterns, he might very well be the only reason In watch Scandal, sometimes it gets a lil soapie for my liking lol
        ~B

        Like

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