Of coffee and marriage

If you were having coffee with me, I would greet you at the door and I would ask you if you aren’t glad I’m not the kind of host to insist that you take off your shoes because the floors have been waxed and shined to glass like perfection.

I have decided people who insist this simply want to cheat you into helping them shine their floors with your socks. If you are going to make such an imposition at least use a colourless floor wax and not a vivid red or thick black which has a nasty habit of staining the soles of your feet/socks and the inside of your shoes unless of course you are going to help me with my sock laundry and or a pedicure πŸ˜‚

If you are having coffee with me and I ever visit your house, and you ask me to remove my shoes I’ll insist on staying outside, I am wearing mismatches socks you see,πŸ™ˆ actually you can’t see it, that’s why I’ll keep my shoes on.

One minute you have a drawer full of matching pairs of socks, next time you look again and you find only one of each. 😯 I am strongly considering buying a pack of the same colour of socks but you might think I never change them πŸ˜‚ now stop trying to catch a glimpse of my ankle cleavage to see if my socks match. . …πŸ˜›

If you were having coffee with me, I’d tell you about how I accompanied my older brother for the lobola (bride price) ceremony for his fiancee. For those not familiar with this traditional custom of ours, this is when the prospective son-in-law gets formally welcomed into the family and introduced to the father of the bride, after negotiations and payment of the bride price of course, and this is also when you get to request for or asked if you intend to have a church wedding…..

Some argue that paying of a bride price objectifies females into possessions that can be bought, and is blamed for some instances of domestic violence, where one feels entitled to certain privileges by virtue of having paid for it.

I had an interesting discussion with an uncle of the bride, who was remarking how the tradition has been warped by folk who simply want to profit from their daughter’s marriage making unreasonable demands on their prospective son-in-law. How would they expect him to look after his
new households if they take all he has saved up.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that the main reason for the lobola (bride price) ceremony is not about the money it’s about showing your commitment, being introduced to the family and also an excuse for a family to show off how they raised a proper daughter who leaves home by marriage (culturally having a child out of wedlock is scandalous to say the least) and in the event of your divorce, they would like for you to gather them as you did to tell exactly why you will be parting ways.

The negotiation ceremony is quite the headache if I might confess but this is also part of how it all works out. According to the family elders “One does not appreciate that which comes easily.” So all the challenges you experience are for a reason, and to make you value your commitment.

A wedding is loading watch this space

If you were having coffee with me I’d tell you that as soon as we came back from the ceremony the first question I got asked was … “So Beaton you are next, when are we getting a bride….”

Laugh Out Loud

~B

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16 thoughts on “Of coffee and marriage

  1. If you were having coffee here in Canada, you would notice that the ya it here is to take off your shoes when you enter a home. Some hosts/ hostesses even have slippers for you to wear. Indoor shoes are necessary especially during winter when you would bring in snow and salt on your shoes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol.
    Interestingly, my big brother got married over the weekend and I kept getting the, “you’re next” thing as well.
    Almost like I’m a character in a horror movie that the crazy killer is coming for next

    (cue horror movie music)

    Hi B. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Mable
      πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚
      I can picture the horror movie And weird looking children will be singing a creepy nursery rhyme in eerie kiddie voices
      1 2 next they coming for you
      3 4 you better lock your door πŸšͺ πŸšͺ

      ~B

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi B. “One does not appreciate that which comes easily.” Lots to think about there. If we were having coffee, I’d get another cup to hear more about this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, Wedding are so exciting, can’t wait to read all about it. I’m glad you posted something, was about to come and look for you………………. was still thinking of where to look.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi B! It’s fun walking around in socks in houses that have carpeted floors. If you rub your socks on the carpet and touch metal door handles you get a little shock! It’s funny πŸ˜€

    Also, I have a hard time believing the bride price plays a large role in domestic violence. We don’t have a (formal) bride price in the US, and yet we still have plenty of domestic violence. I think a larger culprit is teaching men from an early age that they’re superior to women.

    I do like the emphasis on making marriage challenging, however, to emphasize how important it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Josh!!!
      That’s quite shocking πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ or when you touch someone and you get that spark…. Maybe laws of attraction are really just static charge dissipating

      Hmmm I agree that a major mental attitude adjustment is needed, society and cultures have been enabling male privilege and once a person feels entitled they tend to treat those they feel lesser with impunity

      Thanks for dropping by
      ~B

      Liked by 1 person

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