Of The Purge: Facebook Edition

I logged into my Facebook after a very long absence from the Blue Matrix and I could hardly recognise my newsfeed and the people on my list of “friends”

matrix

 

Why haven’t I been on the Blue Matrix? Well, I discovered WordPress 8 years ago and moved all my eccentricities to somewhere I could breathe, I write to breathe. While  I was figuring out the options to share my blog posts with rest of the interwebs I stumbled upon Twitter, I logged in and have never logged out.

The are two kinds of people Twitter People and Facebook people, which one are you?

pill

To pick twitter is to go down the rabbit hole……….

But who are all these people on my Facebook?

facebook friends

Looks like I went through a phase when I was randomly sending and receiving requests from anyone with a Facebook Account and an internet connection and have come to that moment that I realise I need to do The Purge. 

The Purge is just like an avenging dirty of old smiting down with righteous vengeance generations of sinners but this involves systematically going through your list of Facebook friends and “unfriending” all those who do not bring value.
It would be prudent for you to begin with the following people:

facebook unfriend

The People You Need to Unfriend on Facebook by ME

>1 The Serial Liker
The crazies out there; liking every status, picture and post on the internet. No one person can actually be interested in so many different things every single day. They could be a
serial killer trying too hard to blend in…….

>2 The Capitalist
People love to get and receive compliments on Facebook, but nobody likes that person who goes overboard about it especially those who use ALL CAPITAL LETTERS

3 The Serial Poster
It’s cool that people like to share what’s on their minds. But you don’t have to post updates every single time on every single thing, oversharing and crowding the timeline, maybe you should be on Twitter and not on Facebook or start a Blog.

>4  The Stalker
They comment and drop like on posts from 10 years ago, and ask you about people from back in the past they seem the type a google search away from winding up underneath your bed, naked.

>5 The Serial Inviter
Everybody loves cool parties and events right but nobody likes getting invited to “Help Clean Up Harare at 4 a.m. This Saturday”
or “Pinda muSmart: Rockin’ Abstinence and Circumsicion Celebration.

6 The Hustler 

This one never talks to you, except to message or tag you and generally bug you with links to supporting their hustle, by listening to their mixtape and watching their YouTube channel.

7> The Ghost

They are just there seeing all, reading all and never talking. Are they even there? 

 If going through your list and you come across someone whom you have no recollection of ever liking or commenting on anything you post and you go to their wall and find the only post there is your birthday greeting to them from five years, it’s probably best that you’re not up to date on each other’s business. 

N.B please also watch out for the FB friend you see everyday in real life who never posts anything but will come to you during lunch break and clap you on the back and say “I love the stuff you post”, what happens on Facebook stays on Facebook.

>8 The Zone Trespasser
You might also want to consider unfriending collegues classmates your Boss Your Lecturers your landlord, parents and anyone who you don’t want reading your private public social media life……

The Purge is a process it will take time but fortunately FB can make it easy for you there is a special feature that will each day suggest for you people you must unfriend or not unfriend,….. its called Birthday Notifications. Every birthday notification you get, you can get to decide who stays and who goes and in a year your Facebook will be streamlined to just the basic.
And if one day you find that somehow your friend count has dipped without you unfriending make sure you stop doing whatever silly things you’ve been doing on Facebook.
You are welcome…..

~B

Watch out for the guide on how to do a Twitter Purge…… coming soon.

Day 16 of my Blog everyday challenge

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3 thoughts on “Of The Purge: Facebook Edition

  1. You are right. I should probably do the purge my facebook account is littered with friends I accepted only because I remembered their names from primary school but they have no relevance in my present life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad the purge hasn’t extended to WordPress. I haven’t been present here for ages, but I’ve thought of your writings and being a mused, I came back when I had time for WordPress again.

    Liked by 1 person

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