Of Coffee With Winnie

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If you were having coffee with me, I would say

“Knock knock”

You would ask

“Who is there?”

I would say

“Arent”

You would ask

“Arent who?”

I would reply

“Arent you glad its not another covfefe joke”

I would laugh and laugh until tears welled in my eyes and you would laugh too maybe with or at me, but I do hope with me.

Please stick around and have hot beverage, the weather is a touch cold, in these parts. Winter is here! As a friend from the twitterverse Phroetiq phrased it:

I no longer believe in seasons.

I believe in days.

And today is winter

If you were having coffee with me I would let you in on a secret project of mine. Once upon a time a few days back, we went to a local prison to make a tiny donation; (that you need not bother yourself about) but as we left, I had a lovely chat with the Prison Chaplain and we told him if there was anything we could help with and it was within our means he should not hesitate to let us know.

He didnt…

He asked if we could somehow organize for him to have a bible or two for the inmates he would be extremely grateful. I told him “We would see…” you know that standard response you make when you agreeing but not entirely to something, without commitment. Upon further conversation I was shocked to discover that of the 700 approx inmate population not a single bible was currently available for them to use, that they have to wait to until Sunday to hear The Word…..

As the chaplain put it they are trying to rehabilitate prisoners and save their souls, because as he sees it, people commit crime because they lost apart of themselves to the darkness, and he is trying to the best of his ability to restore that which was lost……

**in a related fact about a month ago 120 inmates got baptized.  

This had me thinking that the bible or two we could find would simply be a drop in the ocean and without even a second thought we made a donation of our personal bibles, I dont really use mine; before you get all curious, allow me to rephrase I have a bible app on my phone and am not in dire need….. I also reached out to the friends who live on the internet:

In the past week I received 50 bibles and another friend is arranging for another 20, and I am also working with several other people who have said we’ll see…. Fingers crossed

He asked me for one or two I found 70 with a possibility for more….

When you reach out… sometimes someone reaches back

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you if by any chance you came across the trend that had people declaring how shocked they were to realise that their childhood was a lie, because Winnie The Pooh was female….. WAIT  WHAT???

Winnie The Pooh

Winnie The Pooh

You know nothing Jon Snow

Yes Winnie was female…..

The real Winnie though; the one the character by A.A. Milne was based upon, was a real bear; female and Canadian. The bear was named after the city of Winnipeg, the hometown of the vet who bought her as a cub. Winnie eventually ended up at London Zoo; where she enthralled young Christopher Robin so much, he named his own teddy bear Winnie after her. Christopher Robin’s father was none other than the author A.A. Milne and the rest as they is a story of honey loving bear and adventures with his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood….

The bear from the cartoons and books is most assuredly male and your childhood is perfectly safe (for now) and you did not experience any gender identification problems… You are welcome.

If you were having coffee with me I’d iterate  what I said last week Constant Vigilance; a quick Google search could would have revealed this “truth” explained in a tell all children’s picture book by Canadian author Lindsay Mattick published in 2015 Finding Winnie: The True Story of the World’s Most Famous Bear

Thanks for dropping by and much appreciated

~B

PS I just read on the death of actor Adam West who played the first Batman I remember watching growing up… and in honour of him this joke from opening title theme song:

dave-collinson-nana-nana-batman1

nana nana nana nana Batman

And if you you would like to get in touch with me about my bible project you can email me  below:

Batman Image Credit Dave Collinson

Winnie the Pooh story Huffington post

Of Coffee, Bougainvillea and Babysitting

If you were having coffee with me we would be trying out bougainvillea flower tea.

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I was sitting outside feeling the sun on my skin and happened to look up and see the bougainvillea flowers shining red (or is that purple) in the morning light.

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Inspiration and curiosity struck, hmmmm what if I crushed those flowers and drank them. Thank Google for knowing everything because I checked the internet if drinking bougainvillea was as a thing or if it was poisonous to drink and according to the internet it’s a herbal tonic that is claimed to be good for colds and flu so here we go…

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The smell of the tea is a bit strong and leafy. If you smell it with your eyes closed you can easily tell yep this is definitely a leafy beverage. And the taste of it, I wouldn’t say vile but let’s just say I won’t be having a second cup thank you very much. Curiosity sated

If you were having coffee with me, we would be babysitting my twin nephews who are 18 months old. Picture a hurricane of pure energy and then imagine there being two of them, it’s definitely more than a handful.

They still don’t talk yet (except saying mama) but they can cry, why can’t babies be born talking; life would be oh so much easier if they could tell you what’s bothering them, you know basic stuff, feed me, change me, entertain me……

Feeding time is such a messy affair, you know what I think would be great idea, to simply dress kids in the colours of the foods they are about to eat that way the stains won’t be as visible or better yet, you could just cut out the middle manchild and spit out butternut and let it dribble over your favourite scarf, spill juice all over the carpet and grind potatoes into your shirt sleeves then finish off by sprinkling bread crumbs into your hair…Bon appétit

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Oh yes question, when you are feeding kids and you make aeroplane noises do you imagine the are people on board the aeroplane, no? And you know what; it makes kids grow up with an unrealistic expectation of the tastiness of planes. FYI they taste like steel rubber and jet A1 fuel, don’t ask me how I know this, suffice it to say I am a curious busy body with one heck of an imagination.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that if you are babysitting be careful not to feed them sugar rich snacks. The Sugar Rush is brutal if you think twin hurricanes of pure energy are destructive picture twin hurricanes of energy tripping on sugar. Books are being ripped apart, drawers are being opened, and everything is on the floor, some of it broken.

 

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Placing the coffee table on top of chair on top of the of the dining room table was a bad idea, because one of the twins is now on top of that stool clapping hands and giggling and trying to give me a heart attack in the process I mean what if they fall and break their brains what would I tell their mother.

“Watch the kids for a little” while she said, “it’s easy” she said, “they aren’t fussy at all” she said, “it will be fun” she said and “I will be back just now” she said…. Feels like she has been gone forever, you know how time doesn’t fly when you aren’t having fun?

If you were having coffee with me you would help me babysit keep an eye on the kids make sure they are playing nicely and not biting each other or grabbing toys from each and screaming for no good reason, and when they are silent and out of sight, RUN and find them that’s when they are being the most naughty.

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you if you dance. If you say you don’t I would tell you are lying (to yourself and me) Kids grow up knowing you can dance to music before they can even talk, play them good music and watch them dance like no one is watching I think we just grow up and become way too self-conscious, to enjoy the little things in life, laughing when someone makes a funny face, giggling when tickled and clapping when entertained.

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you does it hurt to feel sleepy because the twins are at their most fussiest just before they sleep, irritable and crying yet they won’t just lie down and sleep. It’s a bit of a struggle to get them to calm down, can’t keep calm when you have got all that energy.

Shhhh they are finally sleeping they look like little tiny angels when they sleep…..aaaawe

~B

 

PS imagine you ask someone to bake a cake for the twins and that they should write happy birthday on both and this is what they do:

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happy birthday on both

have a great week ahead and Go Team Olympics