Of Coffee, Friday the 13th and Scary things

If you were having coffee with me I would greet you with a fun fact. Did you know that if the first day of the month falls on a Sunday then the 13th day would be a Friday…. Friday the 13th *cues somewhat slightly ominous music*

friday the 13th

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you what the scariest movie (and or book ) you have seen (and or read). I used to be a sensitive viewer/reader I guess because of the crazy creative runaway imagination. Growing up, when watching a movie, I would check the age restrictions and those viewer discretion warnings that came at the beginning of movies for anything that would offend my delicate sensibilities, and I grew very adept at identifying the soundtrack music that signified something bad was about to happen.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you about this one time when I watched a Friday the 13th horror show about Jack The Ripper and I couldnt sleep properly for days upon days. I imagined decapitated heads in bed with me and headless corpses somewhere trying to find their way to me like I was some headless ghost whisperer…… *goosebumps* Now I am all grown up I am not so afraid as I used to be and I guess I am catching up on all the macabre morbidities I shied away from as a child, reading all of Stephen King and Dean Koontz; watching Insidious, Conjuring, Drag me to hell and a host of other horror flicks and I laugh and laugh and laugh

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you if there is anything I ask myself at the end of every horror movie its that “How do they explain all this to the police?”

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you how I have been having a no good absolutely horrible week, first my laptop decided to grow legs in the middle of the night and find a new home without so much as a goodbye taking with it all my unpublished drafts and oh so many other things and then my external hard drive with the back ups decided this would be a marvelous time to corrupt all the data contained within it *cries in unsaved words from the book I have pretending to write for the whole year*

And what did the police say: “fill in this here form and we will get back to you” and that was that, and that’s that…….

Wish me luck so I can win the lottery or some windfall to buy myself a replacement laptop cause life without one kinda sucks I cant write half less than half the times I wish could *sigh*

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that it looks like a stray cat which I sometimes feed leftovers has adopted me as its new owner, and it even tried to cheer me up, it brought me a live free range chicken and laid it at my feet like a gift, I don’t know where it got it from I wont even ask besides it can’t answer but looks like I have a pet chicken until I get hungry that is……

Did you know cats only meow at people and not at other cats???? look it up 

Have an awesome week ahead cheers

~B

 

PS do not play footsie with a cat, it might seem like a good idea, but those claws are super sharp. Cats are predators, I wouldn’t be surprised if the horror movies got it wrong, vampires don’t turn into bats, they turn into cats!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Advertisements

Of The Art Of Conversation 3,2,1 – Quote Me!

I was nominated by The Britchy One who blogs at Bitchin In The Kitchen for this quotes challenge. The topic for this particular challenge is The Art Of Conversation, for me conversation is a subtle art, since I have more conversations in my head and on paper than out loud and I appreciate having conversations with people who get it.

conversations

Rules: 3.2.1 Quote Me!

• Thank the Selector

• Post 2 quotes for the dedicated Topic of the Day.

• Select 3 bloggers to take part in ‘3.2.1 Quote Me!’

Note: Although this is the topic for today there is no specific deadline to it, meaning you can answer as and when.

Today’s Topic: The Art of Conversation.

alice-with-queen-of-hearts

Alice laughed “There’s no use trying,” she said; “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
Alice in Wonderland.

v is for vendetta

Evey: Are you like a crazy person?

V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom may I ask am I speaking?

Evey: I’m Evey.

V: Evey? E-V – of course you are.

Evey: What do you mean by that?

V: It means I, like God, do not play with dice and don’t believe in coincidence. Are you hurt?

-From the movie V is for Vendetta

 

My nominations:

Mable of Mable’s Rants

Dante of My Dialectics

Claudine 

 

 

Of Wandering Minds

#VSS very short story

Wednesdays are short story days. I’ll pick a tweet from  my twitter #VSS archive and expand on it…

The house was silent, in the way a vacant house was empty. My footsteps echoed long and loud as if someone else walked beside me in the empty corridors and I felt like a trespasser intruding on the silence. The movers had finished and all the furniture was on its way to my new home. I was simply doing a final check to see if anything had been left behind.

Looking at the floor you could tell where the furniture had been, spots that didn’t quite shine as the rest of the floor, pale spots where the floor polish never reached. Even on the walls, if you looked carefully, you could see where picture frames had hung and one was still there. Of course someone had forgot to take down the one in the living room.

beaton Family portrait

Our family portrait hung above the mantle. The five of us smiling, a Kodak moment frozen in time. Was that the last time we had all been together, maybe, maybe not but it was definitely the last we had all had posed for a family portrait. Too bad we had not done this more often.

Standing on the tips of my toes I could reach the portrait but could not quite get it to unhook from the wall, I wished I was a little bit taller. Looking around for something to give me a boost I found a broken stool with three legs instead of four, which was probably why it had been left behind too.

I balanced on it precariously, unbidden images flashed in my mind; me falling, breaking limbs, picture frame shattering, glass shards embedding deep and warm liquid pouring out and then, and then coldness; followed by unending darkness. I retrieved the picture with no mishaps except a slight shortness of breath and sweaty palms shakimg ever so little…….

Talk about an overactive imagination I thought to myself as I wiped beads of sweat from my brow. There was nowhere to sit so I rested on the wall and slid to the floor, knees tucked to my chest cradling the family portrait, I could see my faint reflection in it its glass. Earlier I had called for a taxi to pick me and I still had close to an hour to go; I had nothing but time on my hands. Time and a couple of sandwiches, crumbs fell to the floor as I unwrapped the foil, remembering I hadn’t had breakfast, moving is such a stressful business………

I felt movement along my leg and casually flicked away the annoying insect, then I felt another and another and another. That’s when I looked down and saw them. Looking at me with more than an insect awareness, ignoring the crumbs on the ground. Seemed as if they were gauging my weight, checking to see, if they could drag me underground, to their lair, as they would the discarded food crumbs. They were all around me, the ants, standing there, in a coordinated formation, almost military…….

troop of ants

The word troop came to mind.

 

#Flashfiction

Of Feeling The Earth Move

I felt the Earth move beneath the soles of my feet, a tremor deep from the bowels of the planet’s core.

I was sitting on the sofa watching TV and tweeting about it….  and then I noticed that it was just that I could feel The Earth beneath my feet but the sofa was vibrating ever so slightly like it was a massage chair and the windows were rattling like a freight train was passing through my backyard…. There is no railway line in our backyard, so it could only mean one thing…. a derailed freight train was being all unstoppable outside the house…. I got up and peered casually outside the window half expecting to hear the shrill blast of a train’s horn or see the headlights coming straight at me and I could look like a startled deer watching a flame come to burn it, wait that’s a moth, but see a moth would have flown to the flame, the flame would have come for me…..I guess my imagination is just like runaway train of thought….

The internet is such a handy tool, instead going crazy trying to figure out if I had gone crazy a few clicks later I knew what happened…..

Turns out it was an earthquake:

Africa

A 6.5 magnitude earthquake with an epicentre in central Botswana occurred at 1940hrs CAT, and the tremors were felt in Botswana, South Africa and Zimbabwe.

I haven’t heard of any causalities so I presume people only got a little shaken up nothing serious…

Its amazing isn’t our ability to laugh at  the things that frighten, our on way of assuring ourselves that, that wasn’t so bad give me another challenge… see fear cant abide humour, were it not for laughter sometimes fear  would never leave, that’s because fear usually arrives late, inevitably leaves early, and ends up never going out at all.

So when you wake up in the morning and find people joking about earthquakes all over social media maybe they are not just being funny, they are saying hey lets laugh because we are not afraid… at least lets pretend we didn’t for a second think the world was going to end, aint no body got time to live their lives like that….

I felt the Earth move beneath my feet and I laughed, did you feel it too…..?

~B

PS If you didn’t feel anything and you are wondering if it was real, the internet says it was real so it was real

 

Of Lacking Toes Intolerance

I almost died the other day.
A huge snake tried to swallow me whole, I was minding my own business at the back of the yard when it jus popped out of the blue right in front of me, like the slithering serpent it is, and it was trying to have me as an after breakfast snack I presume, its fangs were barred like a rabid dog flicking its forked tongue about provocatively, it was as long as from here to where I am, and its teeth were yay big, I think it was just like the anaconda I saw in that movie I fell asleep watching the other day,  I don’t know what color it was because I didn’t really see it, as such…… 🙈
….All I heard was a rustling sound and I knew…
No other creature makes a rustling sound like that, I tried to kill it by screaming in a particular frequency that will shutter its skull and burst its brain.
I think I sounded more like someone taking an ice cold shower on a really cold day at 4 in the morning.
I am sure it did not work.
Because today I woke up to find a rat on my doorstep. A rat that looks like it got swallowed then spat out, by a snake.
At first I decided I am never going outside again but then when the boogeyman comes for you, you do not put a blanket over your head and pretend the monster does not exist. Oh no. You put the blanket on the monster’s head and it thinks it does not exist.
Then you slay it.
You see facing your fears like any life challenge is just like a bullfight. You grab the bull by the horns, wrestle it to the ground and when it’s down you stab it.
Walking away in slow motion is an option.
Anyway so now, I am lookin for a stick to hit the snake with across the spine,
a rock to bash its head in,
a machete to chop its head off,
then place it in an old rubber tyre,
pour petrol on it and set it on fire because that’s how you kill a snake dead!!
Anyhoo may I please have some match sticks or a lighter or just bring me electricity or fuel for the generator (this is what happens in my overactive mind when I sit in the dark for too long, it’s been almost 38 hours without electricity) the movies playing in my imagination are starting to freak me out!!

Snakes are scary it’s OK to be scared of them.
I think it’s something to do with that they have no legs, you could call me LackToes intolerant.
I look at it slither sinisterly along the ground in the serpentine manner only a serpent can and I think “oh, look at that lovely piece death, where were you when every other creature was standing in line to get their limbs?
(fish don’t count since they live in water)
The Millepede said: can I have 1,000s and 1,000s
The Spider: 8 is fine
The Ant said: 6 is cool with me.         Man: I will take two please

and the Snake was just slithering along hissing and all and said Nuh dont need any.
And that right there is my problem with snakes.
I know exactly the type of snakes I do not like:
>big snakes
>little snakes
>sticks which look like snakes
>things that rustle like snakes

I know not all of them are poisonous and they are probably more scared of me than I am of them.
But there is that one; the possibility is … possible. The deadly viper that with all likely likelihood, indeed will bite you and with a certain certainty you die.

So I now no doubt reach the propitious, inevitable conclusion.

All perfectly reasonable, possible, probable and inevitable.
All Snakes Must Die or stay away from me.

Memoirs of a Lack Toes intolerant man.

~B

PS no snakes were harmed in the making of this post.

of nite vision

At nite i see the reality the daylite conceals,

the brightest light also casts the darkest shadow,

shadows are forms more real than any real being,

cloaked in sunny smiles and warm coats by day,

hiding the flaws ,

darkness kindles and feeds the imagination,

by denying sight intensifies and heightens other sensations,

easier to face the truth when you cant see it,

coz sometimes sightful visions are more misleading,

better in darkness when you cant see the judging eyes staring,

in the dark of nite,

in the stillness,

like a shadow ,

quitely stealing,

into the dark corners of my mind

treading softly

so as not disturb the sleeping ghosts,

of my past mistakes,

let sleeping ghosts lie,

i hunt the prey of remembered memories,

i found happiness before,

i’l find it again,

if i can find it in the dark,

in the cold ,

imagine how it will be

when the light and warmth come with sunrise.