Of The Rain God

 

I am a Rain God.

Try not to freak out, I am trying not to freak out either but that is my final conclusion, it makes perfect sense.

Why does it rain? It rains when two clouds love each other so much that they come together….  I will save you the geography lesson, besides I never really paid attention but I did learn a cool word for rain… PRECIPITATION. I also know another cool ran related word PETRICHOR (ask me nicely and I might tell you in an upcoming post.)

How to make it rain:

For most people it’s not exact science, unless of course you are into cloud seeding and such then it’s a near exact science but highly iffy. Cloud seeding is when you really love a cloud…. OK I really should have sat still and listened during my Geography class.

A Rain Ceremony is another way to make it rain, now that is definitely NOT a science it is more in the magic and mythical realm. You need to engage the services of a n’anga aka sangoma aka “witch doctor’’ what do you call such a bone throwing traditional “doctor”  where you come from? The doctor performs some sort of ancestral appeasement ceremony because mostly when it doesn’t rain its because you did something wrong and the ancestors are showing their displeasure. A rain dance might be done, traditional beer will be brewed and a cow or goat is slaughtered, those ancestors sure like a good party.

If you are an ordinary person and you want it to rain, its fairly easy just wish for it to not rain; throw a garden party  or some outdoors event, or wash all your clothes and hany them out to dry …. Chances are it will rain depending on your luck

The Rain God

 

I spent a tiny town in the Lowveld part of Zimbabwe, it’s a hot arid region with low precipitation. Whenever it rained I got a nose bleed, or rather now that I think about it, when it; When I got a nose bleed It Rained. Maybe it was the heat maybe it was the altitude and atmospheric pressure (ok I did pay attention during geography class) The nose bleeds were rather severe and distressing not only to me but to the witnesses. Eventually my grandma came up with a solution, smoke some Elephant dung. Yes it worked, I stopped getting nose bleed, it still rained though, so that’s a remedy for those who know anyone who suffers from frequent nose bleeds.

I grew up and grew my hair too.

Beaton

Now here is the thing, every single time I get my hair touched up usually after a washday routine(read it here):   IT RAINS.

washday

And after all the effort putting into fixing up my hair imagine getting rained on your parade. At first I used to brush it off as just a weird coincidence but now, not so much.

Washday

 

I had my washday the day before yesterday; it rained all of yesterday I tried fixing up the rain damage last night, and today:

Even FaceBook warned me to stay dry

Facebook

Its not just that it rains, it tries to rain on me, I like dancing in the rain but not when I have just got my hair done, the two strand twists start unravelling.

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Maybe I should visit Cape Town I hear they could really do with some rain

 

I am a Rain God

#MyAfricaMyWords

~B

 

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Of Coffee On Laundry Day

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If you were having coffee with me…… I would tell you that when I say “I have nothing to wear”, what I really mean is that I have “nothing clean” to wear…..

When they first invented clothes why couldnt they just make them asexual; you know, so that the laundry could just do itself!!!

You can tell by now I don’t much care for doing my laundry; I will usually procrastinate; until the only choice I have is go naked or wear something fished out from the laundry basket. Funny story; about that, clothes seem to get cleaner with time, you toss something in the laundry basket but if you take it out a week later, save for the creases its perfectly wearable

Here is LifeHack sprinkle a bit of talc powder in your laundry basket to prevent your clothes getting that been worn smell (in case you might want to recycle before the next wash) and a bonus when you do wash them they will end up somewhat scented especially if you use a fragrant fabric softener….

You are welcome. ^_^

So I have nothing to wear; and I have washed every stitch of clothing I own please forgive me for walking around with nothing but a large towel round my waist and a mug of hot tea like a television hottie…. I die for these abs

While the clothes are soaking I would tell you that there’s a method to my wash cycle I was my favourites first, then the whites, since they are prone to get stained by other colours, followed by the reds (pink if I have any but I shouldnt) orange, yellow and then blues, greens, browns and then lastly the black; Black don’t stain. This does not include jeans, those are the last things I wash……

If you were having coffee with me; I would tell you that if your name was Laundry you would be bent over the bathtub and dripping all over the bathroom floor…….

It was a perfectly sunny day when I started the laundry and in a few hours my clothes should have dried but with each second I drew closer to finishing my laundry it grew cloudier and now it’s even started drizzling …. Whats up with that?

I also hang my clothes on the washing line, following the visible colour spectrum (ROYGBIV) the resultant product is a perfect rainbow of clothes hanging out to dry.

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It’s ART.

Cant help noticing that my clothes are mostly in shades of black and grey I guess my favourite colour is black… at least for clothes, it appeals to my inner ninja…

If you were having coffee with me and there was a knock at the gate I would tell you that lets pretend that we are not here; see I am not dressed to receive guests; you being the exception. They must have sixth sense for these things because they are still knocking.

I know! Why dont you wait here while I go and tell whoever it is that there is no one home……

It didn’t work; but we can pretend to be out of town visitors and that we will not be here same time next week because they insist on coming back next week when we are free…. Is that awfully wicked of me?

Saving souls is hard work.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that I had my hat collection dry cleaned….

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I have one for every for every occasion

There is something about wearing a hat at a rakish ankle;

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~A Quote from Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

Thank you for visiting I would walk you out but I am still somewhat indecently dressed to be anywhere but my bedroom so I trust you will find you way home besides I have to finish ironing all my laundry then I never have to worry about it till next time I have my clothes washed…… oooh and another life hack sprinkle talc powder in your closet to keep your clothes freshly scented..

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You are welcome

~B

PS Mable Is writing me a letter ^_^ ….. here is a sneak preview; its not complete yet but I love it already:

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Of Coffee In The Rain

 

Of Coffee In The Rain

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If you were having coffee with me, I hope you brought an umbrella because it’s been raining heavily in my neck of the woods, almost non-stop. They say it is the La Niña effect, so flooding is expected.

I love the rain, I love dancing in the rain, and I love the sound of rain drops falling,

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but now I wake up singing rain, rain go away come again another day cause it’s a little much too much, and I am running out of clothes to wear.

Rain Drop,

Drop Top,

How can my laundry dry when it rains non-stop?

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you I watch the lightning and count the heartbeats between the lightning flash and the thunder. I have a friend who giggles at the claps of thunder, she squeals in delight as the thunder peals across the sky and I; I am just happy to be alive.

Does it mean anything when it rains heavily at the beginning of the year? Well obviously it means the harvest is going to be bumper, after a couple of near droughts, it’s a welcome relief. But does it signify anything like the end of an era or the start of something new washing away the old and beginning afresh?…

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you, do you ever wonder if when people sing at the top of their voices “Open the floodgates of heaven” they could really be asking to be drowned? No? Just me then. But it’s been raining like someone opened the floodgates.

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What’s been happening in your neck of the woods? I saw America inaugurate their 45th president and said farewell to Obama, and over here we have had the same president since 1980, and he is a candidate for the next presidential elections in 2018; when Zim Decides. African presidents seem to have a penchant for lengthy terms in office, and staying in power against all the odds. The former president of Gambia Yahya Jammeh who lost the elections in December 2016 after 22 years in power refused to acknowledge the poll results causing a crisis situation for the past month even going so far as to declare a State of Emergency a few days ago, but after some intervention efforts he has finally decided to step down on a TV Broadcast saying “I believe in the importance of dialogue … I have decided today in good conscience to relinquish the mantle of this great nation

Maybe the rains do signify change….. RAIN

If you were having coffee with me I would introduce to you my next Guest Blogger Leeanna Lazenby she is a creative poet with a parrot and a collection of red dresses. You can find her on twitter, and her story features in my next post, so stay tuned.

Thank you for the visit I would walk you out but see, my shoes are muddy, cause of all the rain, there is a certain reluctance involved in putting on wet shoes let alone wet socks, so I’ll just wave you away, until next time.

~B

 

Of Interludes In The Changing Lights

  Genre: Mystery

It just had to be a blazing hot day how fitting, as if he needed anything else to not go his way. The past couple of days had been so cold, everyone swore that the winter season was here. When he had left the house in the morning, he had paid no mind to the weather report when they said it would be a sunny, hot day with a chance of rain, they were after all always wrong fifty percent of the time.

Today would be a cold day, just like yesterday and the day before yesterday, and the day before that.

He was dressed in a heavy woolen three piece suit, perfect for a cold winter’s day. His suit was a bit threadbare since he had been rather abusing it wearing  it every other day but people could tell he came from money or at least that he used to be. He liked to think of himself as the prodigal son, one day his father would let him come back home and money would no longer be a problem again except how to spend it.

The weatherman had been right, the sky was clear and the sun was bearing down on him with impunity of a one squashing an insignificant ant. The sun could do as it pleased, it could kill him as it obviously was trying to do. He was sweating profusely but refused to even so much as loosen his tie, after all they say “a gentleman knows no weather”, and a gentleman’s armour was his suit. He was not really a gentleman but appearances where everything, you become what you seem.

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He stood at the traffic lights controlled intersection, with a pile of flyers in his hand, trying to look important and when the traffic lights turned red and the traffic stopped he zipped from car to car and knocked at the windows and tried to hand the people in the cars his flyers.

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Some drivers would not even spare him a glance as if they were totally engrossed with watching the traffic lights so that they could speed away, away from him as soon as the light turned green

Some drivers would make that hand signal that meant “I don’t have” and emphasize that with a shake of the head to say no. They probably thought he was asking for money, like a common beggar as they refused to even make eye contact with him. Other drivers would just roll down the window and press a handful of change into his hands and wind up the window, he was quite affronted by such a blatant display of pity. They pitied him, did they know who he was, what his story was or even, that his father probably owned half this city and yes when he was back in the family fold he would pay them back.

Sometimes he managed to hand the flyers to the drivers or even passengers if any windows were open he would just throw the flyers into the car. To his dismay after all that effort, some people would through the flyers away like they were not worth the paper they were printed on.green.jpg

He tried to memorize each face behind the wheel, he was very good with faces, and when the traffic lights turned green, he wrote down number-plates of all the cars whose atrocious behavior he deemed offensive. Yes, he would pay them back each and everyone of them, he was a man of his word after all which is why he was out here handing flyers.

Well that was not exactly true he had  thrown away the stack of flyers but they kept coming back like a bad penny and the last time they had carried a warning which he felt was rather ominous. The Doctor was not the type of person one tangled around with.

He took a look at the flyers he was handing out, The Doctor claimed he could

Bring back lost lovers
Remove unwanted persons
Give good luck
Make you rich quick quick
And charms for any ailment imaginable….

 

 

And here X was busy spreading the flyers to lure people into The Doctor’s fraud schemes. If he had a choice he would be doing something else but he had no choice, he bore it, he was a gentleman, right? Even if The Doctor was a no goo____

He didn’t finish the thought as a cold, large drop of something landed on his head, first he thought a bird had done its business right above him, but there was another followed by another and soon it was torrent of rain. Just his luck rain, the weatherman was right again, he would have to call it a day as cars would now just speed past him and they did even obey the traffic lights when it rained. A little bit of rain and suddenly all the rules of the road went out the window, maybe rain made people insane, who knew.

As he was walking away, a car sped past a red light swerving  too close to the curb splashing water from a puddle all over him, soaking his suit through and through, even the flyers he was holding got wet. A few paces down the road, his spirits slightly lifted when he passed the car which had splashed him stopped by the traffic police who had arrived to bring some sanity back on the roads.

The driver was being given a ticket for some traffic violations, X hoped that the ticket was a hefty one, karma right? Bad things had a way of happening to people who got on the wrong side of The Doctor.

Maybe he wasn’t such a fraud, after all, and somewhere not too far from there, The Doctor was peering into a strange glass and muttered  to himself in that hypnotic silky voice “yes, yes, yes you begin to learn my dear X” and he laughed.

~The End

My #BlogBattle entry themed Ticket

The story continues from the last time here

~B

 

Of trenches internet and the girl next door

Dear Telecommunications Company

Imagine waking up to find the front of your yard all dug up.. (again) looking like an archeological dig site.

what bones shall we find here

what bones shall we find here?

And not so much as a warning, a by your leave; silence, nothing, just strangers in work suits digging.
You say Hello.
They say hello, make small talk about the heatwave and ask for some water.

You ask the men at work what they are doing and find out they have been contracted by some telecommunications company to dig trenches to lay cables.

You ask  “didn’t you guys do this again just earlier this year or were you the ones from late last year. Because this is the 3rd or fourth time people been digging up these trenches.

They say “oh no that wasn’t us, that was someone else contracted by a different company.

Oh?

So if I formed my own corporation, I would also have to dig up the whole countryside to lay down these cables for super fast internet connection and all that.

Can’t you guys all get along like agree to all pitch in to some single contractor and then just dig the once and for all. Then leave some sort of service pipes so that in the future, for new connections you won’t need to dig up again. Or when evolution of internet connection yields newer faster tech and you need to upgrade it will be easier too.

All this digging can’t be good for the environment, especially now at a time we are busy praying for rain, a deluge of rain at that, so that Kariba dam levels rise up and we can have normal electricity generation, from the hydroelectric power plant. (That is why we are having loadshedding I am told)

Speaking of electricity won’t all this fibre what what, increase the demand on our already strained power grid or you have a secret you are yet to share with us.
Personally I won’t have much access to this wonderfully fast internet (that the packages are usually ridiculously priced being one of the reasons) having electricity for only 6 hours a day between 2300hrs and 0500hrs.

If I do not use the internet on my phone I can go three whole days on a single charge cycle.
Who knew.
Alternative power solutions, Maybe wind or solar powered network towers. How about pocket sized solar Wi-Fi routers (my phone lasts longer on Wi-Fi than on mobile data connection)

alternative power

Alternative power sources

You say that all these cables you lay are so that everyone gets connected that’s a good plan.
Wireless you say but it’s only later you tell me I have buy this expensive hardware (antennas & routers)

And then I wake up to see headlines in the newspapers about companies retrenching which means to my limited street economics some of you are rolling out campaigns you can’t afford to consumers who can’t afford it, this can’t possibly end well, cheap reasonably capped internet sounds like a fair compromise.
I do not want just social media bundles (turning me into a permanent resident in the Hotel California, that is social media, you log out, but never ever leave) I want google, I want GPS, I want to know how fast I run when I jog, I want it all, if you
make my dollar stretch, I will happily give you my next dollar, even if it’s way later on, that is better than me not giving it to you at all. Financial advice from a street bred entrepreneur (read vendor)
But I am no economist I am simply a guy complaining about his dead lawn.

On the upside this time round the guys did not kill the paving on the driveway, (too much) they used some sort of drill, to bore beneath it.
I can’t say the same for the lawn, it will grow back I suppose but I keep wondering isn’t there a better way, you could have at least, apologised gave me free internet for the inconvenience (ok I admit the last bit was fishing)
You killed the shrub just by the corner, I used to wait in its leafy shade for the girl next door.

The internet should be like the ground beneath your feet, everywhere you step….. It’s there.
But hey you to make an omelette you have to break a few eggs…..dig holes, kill lawn, and pay, someone always pays.

Till it rains

~B

splashes of words on my screen

The temperature suddenly drops,
the wind ceases to blow,
ominously stops,
calm before the storm,
the day darkens as the sun vanishes behind thick clouds,
the sky turns that unique shade of greyish-black that makes you want to dig up your roses and replant them indoors,
for a storm is a-brewing,
an electric blue flash of lightning ,
illuminates in high contrast the skys darkening ,
time appears to stop,
all you hear is your heartbeat,
lubdub lubdub lubdub,
but
not for long,
the silence comes to an abrupt end,
punctuated by a deafening clap of thunder, that rumbles seemingly for an eternity,
a distinct scent of wet soil blows in with the winds that sprout from nowhere,
pat..,
pat …,
pat as the first drops fall from the heavens,
pat …
an icy crystal lands on your arm,
as you retreat from door another flash pierces the skys,
the falling drops increase in intensity partly drowning out the resultant thunder clap,
pitter patter goes the rain increasing in momentum,
and you close the door to the afternoon storm,
peering out the window all you see is a white curtain of rain,
if you get any closer to the window your breath fogs it up,
and you back away from the window after another blinding flash of lightning
and the windows rattle in the thunder,
in moments the perfect day turns into perfect storm,
But it never last forever,
slowly the rain drips to trickle,
lightning flash to only a twinkle,
and the thunder just a distant murmur,
the winds die down from howling banshee to just a gentle caress,
large water drops dislodged from tree branches waving the storm goodbye ,
they can be heard as they strike the ground,
and a burst of colour hugs the sky arms stretching from, horizon to horizon,
a rainbow vividly colours the sky in a glorious phenomenom,
a promise that no tempest will last forever,
no storm ceases never
the sun will shine on
as it glints off raindrop-coated world,
bathing the world in a glitering sparkle,
the sky looks bluer,
the greenery looks,
the world just needed a bath,
and you cant help sing to the music
I can see clearly now the rain has gone,..Imagematrix