OF Things Found In Boxes

Of The Things Found In Boxes….While Unpacking

You never know what you have until you are done unpacking…..

I shared with you some of the curious things I discovered while I was unpacking in my last post about moving and bonfires, and if you must know I am rocking a pair of 80s fashion pants…. Well I am bringing the 80s back, style I really am an old soul and not just by the fifty strands greys in my beard….

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I found these pants in a wardrobe that’s been in storage for quite the longest time ……

While on that subject of longest of times I also discovered this smoke-preserved barbequed meat, also known as biltong or Chimukuyu in Shona.

Who knows how long its been there? Dare I eat it?

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Spicy

Ok if I suddenly develop mad cow disease or get any crazier than one would expect from a writer type…. please refer my doctor and or psychiatrist to this post, I am assuming the meat is beef but frankly it could be anything that once lived under the sun……

 

The first thing I unpacked was my dumbbells…. Because Fitness Freak.

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Yeah I can run for quite far with one in each hand and then repeatedly punch at imaginary targets which is great practise for when I need to defend myself from invisible assailants with featherweight punches.

A Credence Clearwater Revival Vinyl LP tape….

CCR.jpgThe moon is shining outside and I am bopping away to some….. Bad Moon Rising as I write this post…..

Some interesting T-shirts I have never gotten round to wearing because I wasn’t brave enough….

A book project I started writing ten years ago…… when I was this big *you can’t seen my hands but I gesturing my height and or size reference * I signed of as B-Man *groans*

Yes, I went to Gokomere High School in case you are wondering……

For the fun of it I might just type it up and publish it on to here….. it deserves its slice of immortality than just to live in a grave of long forgotten dreams in box beneath my bed…. Maybe I might even finish it…… if anything its proof the writing bug bit me a long time ago……

Fun fact did you know it would take a 29 39040seconds to tick away 1 000 years…   I did the math… without a calculator

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And finally a boxful literally of bullshit, genuine African Elephant bullshit from Gonarezhou game park…..

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It’s a cure for people who experience chronic nosebleeds, smoke this bad boy up and presto, you wont get nosebleeds as frequent. Ok you don’t really smoke it, you burn it and inhale a bit of the smoke, you inhale but you don’t smoke there is a difference right? Hashtag AskBill I don’t know about the actual physiological pathways but it works, if any doctors are in the house please do let us know… my granma swore by this stuff and I used to get regular nosebleeds but look at me now I don’t remember the last time I had one….

well I think I am mostly done with unpacking, and life gets back to its regular scheduled programming

~B

PS I hope you had already eaten maybe I should have warned you about the elephant dung but its dry and smells like well compost and decaying leaves…..so I figured it shouldn’t violate any sensibilities ….☻☺☺☺

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Of Coffee And Bicycle Rides With Psychos

 

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If you were having coffee with me we would go on a bike ride.

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When was the last time you rode a bike? I haven’t ridden a bike in ages, but its true what they say about bicycles, falling off is easy and oh, yeah you never really forget how to fall.
I had forgotten how riding a bike is so exhilarating the wind in your face, locks being blown behind you; man and machine ONE.

The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine.
~John Howard

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Enough of this Sunday stroll…… lets hurt a little, if you were having coffee with me, we going  to go up a steep slope, the further we ride, the heavier the pedals feel and that deep burn you feel in your thighs, its like we doing leg day at the gym, you gotta put in the work. When we finally stop your legs will feel like jelly but its totally worth it. I am fitness junkie you see get fit or die trying. I wish we had that tandem bike and we could ride together how much fun would that be? I promise would pick a route that is mostly downhill.

If you were having coffee with me, we would be having coffee instead the coffee mug would be full of ice cold water on the rocks, after the fun ride in the sun re-hydration is recommended. I am a big fan of the water therapy averaging 8 glasses at the least, you cant really have too much of water unless of course you have waaay too much.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that there is supposedly a test which can show if you are a psycho or not, separating the sheep from the murderous goats as it were by simply answering the following test:

This is a genuine psychological test. It is a story about a girl.
While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know.
She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she fell in love with him there and then … A few days later, the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

If you get the answer correct congratulations you think like a psychopathic and should be very careful to not let that crazy show, blend in. I aced this test in case you are wondering and don’t know whether I should be happy or scared about it.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that I have successfully managed to teach my twin nephews how to stomp on and kill cockroaches after numerous demonstrations and getting them to not run away from roaches like they are child eating beasts as they were doing earlier. With all the money I am going to save from not having to buy bug spray I am going to buy myself a set of earphones that don’t fall out when I run I need some snug fitting earphones so I can enjoy the simple pleasure of listening to music while I jog.
The best thing about teaching the twins to stomp on cockroaches is that not only are they taking care of my slight infestation problem, the hurricanes of pure energy are burning up excess energy and practically falling asleep on their feet without the usual drama…yey peace and quiet, they look like angels when they sleep.

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A baby on a tiger

~B

PS have you figured out the answer to the test?

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly. If you didn’t answer correctly – good for you. Ask your friends to take the test too for awareness …..If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance. (If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my friend list…)

PPS on a totally related matter Do not believe everything that you read on the Internet, have an awesome week

Of coffee over power walks and plastic money

 

Africa

If you were having coffee with me…… we would first go on power walk..because a healthy body= healthy mind, yes I am #TeamFitness. Exercise is good for the mind, you could at least try thinking about it Ha! see what I did there.

If you are groaning about going on a power walk; aren’t you glad today I was not going jogging and then we would have to run until our hearts start pumping battery acid, then we run some more…. A great way to beat the cold since the sun is not being shy about refusing to be warm you see.

If you are having coffee with me we would be having this herbal concoction, Zumbani tea. I was recently introduced to it, the taste is interesting enough that I am sure it’s got to be good for something, I don’t know what though; a friend of mine says its best had without sugar…. Alas I have weakness for sweetness….

How is your weekend going?

So waking up to the news about Brexit, I guess that’s democracy for you the right to make good or spectacularly bad decisions. Something about casting votes makes people stop thinking till just after they are done, then suddenly it dawns that perhaps that was not the most informed decision…

I remember once upon a time we had a referendum to vote for a new constitution, the opposition party spearheaded the Vote No Campaign, saying it was some sort of ploy by the ruling party to stay in power and people voted without even having read the proposed amendments to the constitution, and they voted NO hip hip hurray; if those had been elections, the opposition party would have surely won….. Later, much later did people realise that had they voted yes life today would have been; oh so much different I don’t know about it being better (but those constitution amendments we the best things that could have happened to the country) and suddenly how people wished they had a chance to vote again they would say yes, but that ship sailed.

I guess it’s some sort of independence for the UK and  we celebrate our independence from the UK being a former British colony and all. Countries do love their sovereignty.

If you were having coffee with me (read that as herbal concoction) I would show you my array of bank cards I have enough to build a tiny tower of debit cards,

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and at any given time only one probably has a working bank balance, it’s because the country is experiencing a seriously crippling cash crisis situation, and in comes plastic money. The trick is to pick a bank (not likely to collapse anytime soon) with the lowest charges or the most number of point of sale terminals where you can swipe for your purchases (maybe get a cashback option if you are lucky) Some banks have better working relationships with retailers than others, there is nothing as annoying as standing in queue to buy your groceries only to find that they do not accept your  particular bank card.

IF you were having coffee with me I would tell you how I have accounts with several banks because this one bank has a special where on Fridays transactions on the debit card are free whoop whoop another has discounted charges when I use it at particular outlets and then this other one gives me loyalty points I have no idea what the loyalty points get you but hey it gotta be better than nothing right? I hunt for specials.

Why is there a cash crisis? Excellent question: like all excellent questions there is never a satisfactory answer for such, we have a cash crisis because banks do not have cash for withdrawals and they (banks) have no cash because businesses are not depositing money into banks and the business operators are not depositing money because  business is (s)low, business is (s)low because people have no money and people have no money because it is in the banks and they can’t get it out….wait what? Makes your head spin doesn’t it…

Plastic money it is then, on the upside the Reserve Bank in its great benevolence has mandated all banks to reduce their transactional charges on use of plastic money… yey!

I have a dream one that one day one just opens a bank account simply because they like the corporate colours and not because you have to make decisions about which bank has the minimum account handling charges and greater chances of not running out of cash (or worse suddenly closing taking your money with it) and is an interest on your money too much to ask for….

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you how your week has been, what’s good, what’s really good, what’s really really good?

If you were having coffee with me I would share with you this photo of a sculpture I saw in the street

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~B

PS they say wild animals roam the streets of Africa, well we call it art

This Is Africa #TIA