Of Coffee with Jack Of All Trades

If you were having coffee with me; I would welcome you into my house and home like the favourite guest that you are. I might not mention it enough or ever at all but I do so love your visits; every time there is a knock at the door, I hope its you but; its only my twin toddler nephews, they have discovered the art of knocking on doors.

They knock on open doors, they knock on closed doors they knock on all doors and surfaces until you say “Come in”; then they knock some more and giggle… And they have discovered clothes have pockets anything they pick up goes straight in there; money, keys, pens, thats the first place you should look when you cant find something, which happens, twice like déjà vu because twins….

Ah yes I’ve always wondered why babies clothes have pockets:

They are for putting all the “dollars”  from visitors so their parents so can buy treats for the them( ah the embezzlement that occurs, I guess its payment for all the drama toddlers cause) and also as My twitter Neha friend pointed out kids’ pockets are filled with innocence….

…….and that inspired the beginning of a story rattling about in my head:

“Once they had walked merrily, arm in arm, not a care in the world, pockets full of innocence and sunshine; until the day they dipped into the pockets to find them empty, somewhere along the way, no one knew where; innocence got lost or stolen or if they ever had it at all. Now they walked arms protectively crossed; some where along the way they had become adults……”

If you were having coffee with me I would tell that every time I have an interesting idea I have decided to write it down because I absolutely hate it when I sit down and realize I don’t remember what the idea was, simply haunted by the ghost of a brilliant idea that’s just at the edge of recollection…..

If you were having coffee with me I would say thank you for pretending to not notice that the house is a mess, we have been doing some home improvements, and also some furniture got damaged when we moved. Moving is rough on wooden furniture and glassware; the fact that it was raining; didn’t help.

Everyday I write but yesterday I was a carpenter repairing furniture, the day before that I was a babysitter, today I am an electrician and tomorrow I will be a plumber and maybe the day after that a painter, and then a gardener.

Gardening is therapeutic; plants require only water and sun, you can even whisper your secrets to them if you like, the perfect best friend, who is always there, by the green patch where you first met, they will listen without interrupting, they don’t judge and you know they will keep your secret to the earth they sprouted from or until you cook them and have them for dinner, well because plants don’t talk and they are rooted to the spot (unless it’s a pot plant… HA) Its not weird right? To name your vegetables (Asking for a friend)

Its been lovely having you over, do tell what have you been upto? Read any good books seen any good movies… does watching a movie based on book with the subtitles enabled count as reading the book??

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you if you had to choose between Strong Roots or Strong Wings… what would you pick?

~B

PS My life is so much more interesting in my head…

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Its been two months since we moved and yeah about 90% unpacked yey!!! Unpacking is such a process…..

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Of Coffee And Bicycle Rides With Psychos

 

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If you were having coffee with me we would go on a bike ride.

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When was the last time you rode a bike? I haven’t ridden a bike in ages, but its true what they say about bicycles, falling off is easy and oh, yeah you never really forget how to fall.
I had forgotten how riding a bike is so exhilarating the wind in your face, locks being blown behind you; man and machine ONE.

The bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine.
~John Howard

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Enough of this Sunday stroll…… lets hurt a little, if you were having coffee with me, we going  to go up a steep slope, the further we ride, the heavier the pedals feel and that deep burn you feel in your thighs, its like we doing leg day at the gym, you gotta put in the work. When we finally stop your legs will feel like jelly but its totally worth it. I am fitness junkie you see get fit or die trying. I wish we had that tandem bike and we could ride together how much fun would that be? I promise would pick a route that is mostly downhill.

If you were having coffee with me, we would be having coffee instead the coffee mug would be full of ice cold water on the rocks, after the fun ride in the sun re-hydration is recommended. I am a big fan of the water therapy averaging 8 glasses at the least, you cant really have too much of water unless of course you have waaay too much.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that there is supposedly a test which can show if you are a psycho or not, separating the sheep from the murderous goats as it were by simply answering the following test:

This is a genuine psychological test. It is a story about a girl.
While at the funeral of her own mother, she met a guy whom she did not know.
She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy she believed him to be, that she fell in love with him there and then … A few days later, the girl killed her own sister.

Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

If you get the answer correct congratulations you think like a psychopathic and should be very careful to not let that crazy show, blend in. I aced this test in case you are wondering and don’t know whether I should be happy or scared about it.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that I have successfully managed to teach my twin nephews how to stomp on and kill cockroaches after numerous demonstrations and getting them to not run away from roaches like they are child eating beasts as they were doing earlier. With all the money I am going to save from not having to buy bug spray I am going to buy myself a set of earphones that don’t fall out when I run I need some snug fitting earphones so I can enjoy the simple pleasure of listening to music while I jog.
The best thing about teaching the twins to stomp on cockroaches is that not only are they taking care of my slight infestation problem, the hurricanes of pure energy are burning up excess energy and practically falling asleep on their feet without the usual drama…yey peace and quiet, they look like angels when they sleep.

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A baby on a tiger

~B

PS have you figured out the answer to the test?

Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly. If you didn’t answer correctly – good for you. Ask your friends to take the test too for awareness …..If your friends hit the jackpot, may I suggest that you keep your distance. (If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my friend list…)

PPS on a totally related matter Do not believe everything that you read on the Internet, have an awesome week

Of Coffee, Bougainvillea and Babysitting

If you were having coffee with me we would be trying out bougainvillea flower tea.

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I was sitting outside feeling the sun on my skin and happened to look up and see the bougainvillea flowers shining red (or is that purple) in the morning light.

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Inspiration and curiosity struck, hmmmm what if I crushed those flowers and drank them. Thank Google for knowing everything because I checked the internet if drinking bougainvillea was as a thing or if it was poisonous to drink and according to the internet it’s a herbal tonic that is claimed to be good for colds and flu so here we go…

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The smell of the tea is a bit strong and leafy. If you smell it with your eyes closed you can easily tell yep this is definitely a leafy beverage. And the taste of it, I wouldn’t say vile but let’s just say I won’t be having a second cup thank you very much. Curiosity sated

If you were having coffee with me, we would be babysitting my twin nephews who are 18 months old. Picture a hurricane of pure energy and then imagine there being two of them, it’s definitely more than a handful.

They still don’t talk yet (except saying mama) but they can cry, why can’t babies be born talking; life would be oh so much easier if they could tell you what’s bothering them, you know basic stuff, feed me, change me, entertain me……

Feeding time is such a messy affair, you know what I think would be great idea, to simply dress kids in the colours of the foods they are about to eat that way the stains won’t be as visible or better yet, you could just cut out the middle manchild and spit out butternut and let it dribble over your favourite scarf, spill juice all over the carpet and grind potatoes into your shirt sleeves then finish off by sprinkling bread crumbs into your hair…Bon appétit

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Oh yes question, when you are feeding kids and you make aeroplane noises do you imagine the are people on board the aeroplane, no? And you know what; it makes kids grow up with an unrealistic expectation of the tastiness of planes. FYI they taste like steel rubber and jet A1 fuel, don’t ask me how I know this, suffice it to say I am a curious busy body with one heck of an imagination.

If you were having coffee with me I would tell you that if you are babysitting be careful not to feed them sugar rich snacks. The Sugar Rush is brutal if you think twin hurricanes of pure energy are destructive picture twin hurricanes of energy tripping on sugar. Books are being ripped apart, drawers are being opened, and everything is on the floor, some of it broken.

 

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Placing the coffee table on top of chair on top of the of the dining room table was a bad idea, because one of the twins is now on top of that stool clapping hands and giggling and trying to give me a heart attack in the process I mean what if they fall and break their brains what would I tell their mother.

“Watch the kids for a little” while she said, “it’s easy” she said, “they aren’t fussy at all” she said, “it will be fun” she said and “I will be back just now” she said…. Feels like she has been gone forever, you know how time doesn’t fly when you aren’t having fun?

If you were having coffee with me you would help me babysit keep an eye on the kids make sure they are playing nicely and not biting each other or grabbing toys from each and screaming for no good reason, and when they are silent and out of sight, RUN and find them that’s when they are being the most naughty.

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you if you dance. If you say you don’t I would tell you are lying (to yourself and me) Kids grow up knowing you can dance to music before they can even talk, play them good music and watch them dance like no one is watching I think we just grow up and become way too self-conscious, to enjoy the little things in life, laughing when someone makes a funny face, giggling when tickled and clapping when entertained.

If you were having coffee with me I would ask you does it hurt to feel sleepy because the twins are at their most fussiest just before they sleep, irritable and crying yet they won’t just lie down and sleep. It’s a bit of a struggle to get them to calm down, can’t keep calm when you have got all that energy.

Shhhh they are finally sleeping they look like little tiny angels when they sleep…..aaaawe

~B

 

PS imagine you ask someone to bake a cake for the twins and that they should write happy birthday on both and this is what they do:

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happy birthday on both

have a great week ahead and Go Team Olympics